


The Fleeting Year

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (and this is just for chapter one), Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:47:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8946475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After the destruction of Starkiller Base and departure of Kylo Ren in such a short amount of time, General Hux copes with what he's lost while also coming to terms with which loss is the most agonizing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> baby's first fic on this site AND first kylux fic after a year of making threads on twitter of headcanons, aus, and the like.  
> more importantly, this is my secret santa gift for the amazingly talented inchells on tumblr/twitter! so sorry for the delay but i hope you like the story and have a very happy holiday!!

It is maddening how unforgiving the metal of the railing beneath his hands feel. How its chill creeps up his arm, down his spine, into his heart. Once there was a time he felt immune to all discomforts customary to mankind’s survival in these conditions – the sensation made him feel godly over his subordinates and workers – but now, in these last few days spanning to weeks that went on spanning into months, General Armitage Hux has come to the conclusion that he is but a man. A simple, foolish, failure of a man.

The delusions of grandeur have long slipped from his mind, bringing forth the reality of his errors and causes of his pain. Gone, in smoke and fire into the merciless atmosphere of space. He would be lying if he said he still didn’t see it every time he closed his eyes at night. How the sounds of canon fire shake him to the core even now as he commands with a (trembling) iron grip to eradicate every single approaching vessel that appears to not be registered or under First Order protocol.

His lieutenants no longer ask if he is sure when he makes the call but he still catches the way their eyes furrow as they give the engineers and petty officers the order to fire when ready. It is trivial, perhaps, but it is what can be done for now. Now that the Republic has made a mockery of him and his plans and his leadership and his very strength.

He’s slipping, that much he knows. The moment those X-wings broke through the sky and shields, the ground shaking beneath his feet, the tumble down into ruin was only inevitable. Like an avalanche on the highest peak, the crash was burying him down, down, down, until he who spoke loudest and proudest was reduce to a cry in a barren wasteland where no one could hear.

Oh, and how he has cried since. No longer hiding it nor the red tint to his eyes as he continues his (quaking) steady march around the star destroyer, always making sure nothing was ever out of place. Nothing. Not even stopping before a door that has remained closed ever since that day, ignoring its pull.

The base was not the only thing he lost. 

* * *

 Hux could hardly recall a time he saw that much untouched land in his lifetime. He had just finished a meeting with his engineers and contractors that morning, letting them drive off in the opposite direction with their tanks and trucks, reading to prepare the (cold) soft, snow-covered ground for construction. He smiled beneath his hands as he blew into them, every part of him almost giddy with youthful excitement that at long last those sleepless nights at the academy and hours spent erasing, redesigning, tracing, and repeating for years has led to this.

A part of him wishes his father was here to take it all in but father wasn’t a fan or the cold and, in all honesty, neither is he. But still there is pleasure in imagining the culmination of this work in the coming years and, being a rather young man of 30, he smiled again because he has succeeded earlier where the leaders of old had long failed before his hair grayed the way theirs had.

The temperature was without a doubt below zero and he should go back to the shuttle but instead Hux stares off in the intact areas of planet, away from the drills and machinery, in a moment of peace. Even when he felt another presence behind him, the elation didn’t leave; nor did it stop when the presence came closer to him, snaking a toned, darkly clad arm around his waist, resting its chest to his back with a content sigh that rivaled Hux’s own and sent a (shiver) warmth across the back of his neck.

He melted into the contact and when he felt a nose nuzzle into the crown of his head, indicating that his companion has gone sans helmet today, he half-turned to meet those comforting brown eyes and pale skin that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. Full lips stretched into a smile, arms unraveling from his body but strong hands remaining gently on narrow hips.

“Come, my general,” the rich voice, crooned into his ear. “Your face will turn as red as your hair if you stay out any longer.”

It was Hux’s turn to smile. “What fear of the cold do I have when I have you and your bulk to keep it away?”

A scoff and then a kiss was planted on his temple. “Is that all I am to you? I’m wounded.”

“Kylo, don’t be silly. You know what you mean to me. What this means.” “Say it then. No one can hear you this far away.”

Hux flushed and turned all the way around, ignoring Kylo’s heavy gaze to see how far off the crew was. When he felt a gloved hand grip his chin was when he snapped out of whatever anxiety-fueled panic started to bubble up and he was once again met with brown, brown eyes and a face looking at his. A face so full of…

“Say it,” Kylo asked again. He licked his lips and looked away from Hux’s face – one of the few ticks that the man had that made Hux realize just how much younger and inexperienced the supposedly all-powerful knight was to him. “For me, Armitage.”

If he was as strong and law-abiding as the façade he masqueraded, he would’ve denied the request right then and there, commanding that they board the shuttle and return to the Finalizer; but when he was in Kylo’s company, he could do no such thing.

Hux held the hand not on his face in his and pressed cold lips against the other man’s in a soft kiss, pulling back when Kylo whimpered then waited for his eyes to flutter open again so he could say, in the only audience that mattered to him as of late: “I love you”.

* * *

 In his quarters there was fire. The heat scorching through his veins, his breath mingling in the humid air that made Hux reminisce of summer and the pleasures one could drown themselves in. That’s what it felt like when they were alone like this: skin to skin, hands moving and exploring, mouths gasping and tasting. He never felt more warm.

Kylo was like the sun, all blistering energy that caused destruction as much as it caused the fruits of the earth to blossom and thrive in a beauty that could bring tears into even the sternest eyes. He made Hux thrive, whispering encouraging words into his mind and bristling kind hands reserved for just his lover in public. No one dared comment and, if they did amongst each other, Hux couldn’t find himself to care as the years went by.

“Let them hear you,” Hux would mumble between kisses. “Give them something to talk about in their meaningless gossip.” A bite on his collarbone sent Kylo’s eyes rolling back and to close halfway, a moan shuttering through him as Hux continued to speak, his hands gripping tighter.

“They fear you and someday they will fear me,” he gasped between thrusts, Kylo (shivering) quivering under him. This is how they were so alike: both sure of what the future holds, their power, their influence on the masses as they cemented themselves as the beacon of might for their generation of imperial moral. Kylo's eyes never left his as they made love, wantonly moaning, hands gripping Hux behind his back as leverage. He was so beautiful in Hux's eyes, like this and always.

"They fear you," Hux repeats after planting a rather bruising kiss on Kylo's lips. "But I do not."

Kylo shuddered again, harder than before, clenching so tightly that Hux groans. Is he getting off on this, Hux wonders with a smile. Hux reaches one hand into Kylo's hair, shoving his face into the dark sheets of the mattress, his movements more erratic and hard that he knew drove the younger man into a whimpering, crying mess. Hux abruptly thrust deep and leaned over his lover's shoulder, taking in the tears along his dark eyelashes and mouth open as he panted. He was close and Hux knew all it would take to make Kylo let go. He kissed neck and whispered into Kylo's ear, "What have I to fear? You are all mine".

"Hux...," Kylo exhaled the only word he made out during their entire coupling as if it was a mantra before muffling a cry into his forearm as he came, Hux along with him.

Whenever they finished and were all cleaned up, they’d get situated in bed and it would be Kylo’s time to talk. He’d ask questions about himself, what’s happening in their side of the galaxy, Hux’s opinions, thoughts, and dreams. Kylo would do the same but more subtly. Hux didn’t have to use much of his intelligence to gather that “Kylo Ren” was not his birth-name, that he was no always serving the supreme leader, and that he came from a world entirely different from his own. He would muse that perhaps Kylo was the child of rebellion fighters and he was a runaway.

That’s Kylo was first told of Hux’s wish to recreate an empire like before, with himself at the center of all things. It was both a test on where Kylo stood and an opportunity – not that Hux would admit it – to brag about what the fruition of his work will lead if he continues as he has.

“And where would that leave me,” he’d ask, teasingly rubbing a calloused palm up and down his lover’s side.

Hux smiled out of Kylo peripheral vision. “Where else but by my side. You’re a knight so the outcome is unanimous. We’d rule together, strength and knowledge. Brain and brawn.”

Kylo hummed thoughtfully at the answer and situated himself more closely against him, continuing to talk from that point onward until one or both of them fell asleep.

Kylo painted such lovely pictures in his mind, all grander than the next, and Hux let him. It was all imaginings and fantasy but still, the part of him that loved and was loved in return allowed such a way of thinking. To be happy and depend on someone for his happiness was somewhere Hux never thought he’d be and yet he prayed it would never slip away as easy as the silky strands of dark hair fall through his fingers as he caressed the top of the head pillowed on his chest. He is but a lonely soul, too. _Probably hasn’t had someone to talk to for this long or this much in his entire life._

He was always a pessimist but for now he can pretend that he feels hope.

* * *

 It was only a matter of time before the walls they had set around themselves began to crumble; what Hux didn’t expect was how violently it happened.

“Skywalker? As in Luke Skywalker, the Jedi and rebellion hero?”

Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka shuffled the papers in his hands, not meeting Hux’s gaze as he nodded.

“One and the same, sir. From what the reports tell me, Skywalker fled after an incident resulted in the deaths of almost all of his students at the temple he used for his training.”

“Then why in the stars does this matter to us now?” Hux didn’t realize he shouted those last two words until he noticed Mitaka shrink even more and some stormtroopers passing by quicken their pace. It wasn’t his fault, truly. Starkiller was finally, after four hectic years, was nearing completion and approval for testing was weeks away – give or take a few more tune ups.

Before Mitaka could answer that question, Hux took another sip from the mug of caf in his hand and tried to calm himself when asked another. “Under who’s decree were you told to send for me, lieutenant?”

Hux paled when Mitaka said that it was all brought to their attention by the supreme leader but it was the next sentence that nearly made the mug fall from his hand and shatter: “The issue was originally proposed by Kylo Ren, sir, and he seeks to manage the situation himself.”

*****

It didn’t take long to locate Kylo because the man didn’t do much moving around lately when he was on ship. If he wasn’t in his quarters, he was training in the gym. If he wasn’t there, he was on the bridge. If he wasn’t there, he was cooped up in the emptiest corner and mediating. _And if he wasn’t there, Hux missed to himself, he’d be with me in my room but even that was a stretch_.

He didn’t mention it aloud but Hux felt a rift forming between him and the knight. Though he couldn’t put a finger on the exact moment it started, he could very much conclude that it had to do with the pressure around the building of the base and the ever more awareness their armada has become to the rather repugnant resistance fighters of the Republic, bent on taking them down a peg whenever they could. That alone sent Kylo off-ship more than ever, making him gone for an entire week or more, and he’d always return more reserved than when he left. It was childish but it hurt when Hux put a hand on Kylo’s shoulder as he watched petty officers taking note of and unloading the weapons stolen by the rebels and the man flinched then slid out of his touch, marching away before Hux could say anything.

That same night, however, Hux was interrupted from his sketching of what he felt like could be improvements to the Order’s starships by a knock at the door to his quarters.

There he found Kylo, helmet in his hands and head bowed, eyes fixed on the floor between them. He was only in his sleeveless black shirt, pants hoisted up by suspenders, and boots and was shaking in a way that Hux had never seen him do. _Has he always been that sickly pale?_

“Kylo,” Hux started. “If there’s anything of importance that you want to discuss then it can wait until the morning.” He stepped back to allow the door to slide closed again but nearly leapt from surprise when it froze in place, the metal creaking and machinery whirring, before smacking back against the wall, leaving the door ajar once more.

Hux stared at it then back at Kylo, whose hand was half-raised and, to Hux’s horror, began to bleed from his nose and totter to the side as if he was going to faint. Hux was on him immediately, steadying Kylo as much as he could and brought him into the bedroom, using a gentle hand to sit him up on his bed against the headboard.

“Stay here,” Hux hurried to the bathroom then stilled at how tasteless that was to say. _Where else can he go when he can do nothing more than slump?_

Nonetheless, he gathered an old rag, wet it with water, and went back to Kylo who, to his relief, was conscious. Hux sat on the edge of the bed beside him and went to work.

They fell into silence as Hux wiped the blood from Kylo’s face, wiping the swept from his forehead ( _it feels as if he’s running a fever…_ ), and lightly dabbing under his eyes to soothe the redness forming there. Kylo blinked then and opened his eyes a bit more.

Kylo focused on Hux as best as he could and his lips parted as if to speak but he was hushed with a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Save your strength,” Hux pulled away and slid off the bed, tossing the rag away in the waste bin before coming back. Kylo’s pupils looked dilated in the bright light of his quarters and it hit Hux that the lights could be bothersome if what was wrong with Kylo was an illness.

“Lights at 7%.”

Whatever he wanted to ask Kylo disappeared in the dimness of the room. Hux was surprised at himself with how quickly he could change but he knew that he could only do so for him. It was a weakness, a pull at his heart that dampened the judgement of his mind and made him want to give Kylo everything he could, when he could.

After removing both his boots and those on his companion, Hux crawled slowly up on the bed, assuming Kylo was asleep since he was completely still and silent (minus the breathing). In fear of another nose bleed, he kept Kylo supported by pillows, not minding if he slept without one just for one night.

Hux had no idea when he fell asleep so he was startled to find himself waking up to fingers slowly running up and down his spin. With a grunt, he turned over and was met with eyes that seemed to shine like stars even in the dark. His heart fluttered at the sight and the fact that Kylo recovered in whatever-the-amount-of-hours Hux was asleep.

He smiled as he reached to rest a hand against the other man’s cheek, noting with a content sigh that Kylo chose not to pull away but to relax into the touch, nuzzling his nose against Hux’s wrist until his hand fell away and sleep slid his eyes shut once more.

Hux was awoken again in what was considered the morning cycle to an arm over his chest and lips against his hair. Despite the grogginess from such a restful sleep after an interesting night, Hux could make out the sensation of a kiss and a tired voice mumbling, “Thank you.”

It was with the warmth forming in his chest from those words and sincere voice that almost made him miss the wisp of others, a chill like the late days of autumn carrying through and with them as they crept into his mind: "Forgive me."

**Author's Note:**

> Title and inspiration comes from  Shakespeare's sonnet no. 97.  
> Give it a read if interested (and to see the direction this story is headed.


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